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Is It Possible to Pick Up Chicks While Working Out?
Posted on May 8, 2014 by J Camm

We’re in week number two of our mailbag honoring the fact that 22 Jump Street is hitting the silver screens on June 13th. In doing so, we’ve decided to do a few college-specific Ask a Bro columns during this run and we have one week left. So come one, come all… and be creative. ASK ME ANYTHING. Submit your Ask a Bro questions below…

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Q: Is it possible to pick up chicks while running without being a douche? The nearby park is swamped with girls from the two nearby college campuses, and I’m a good looking dude. It feels so natural.

I’m also the only dude who runs shirtless at this park; does that make me a douchebag?

A: So you’re the shirtless guy running at the park who also preys on college chicks while they’re trying to work out and you’re afraid of coming off as a douchebag? Oh, I’m afraid that’s not possible, friend. In fact, if one thing in life is impossible it’s you looking like a douche in the situation described above. Lesser men, maybe, but not a man of your natural beauty. Hell, I’m surprised meteorologists don’t issue flash flood warnings when women see you disrobe.

OK, fine. In general I do think it’s a touuuuuuuch douche-y to hit on chicks while working out and to run topless if it’s not scorching hot outside. The combo of both sounds deadly. Something that can certainly result in you looking like a MASSIVE DOUCHE. Even worse than looking like a douche, you’re one bad pick-up attempt from becoming known around the park as “that creep.” You don’t want that. The creep tag is lethal. You can overcome some guy too afraid to hit on chicks calling you a douche, but if a girl coins you as a creep…GAME OVER.

Can you manage to avoid both of those distinctions? If you can, then do what feels natural (we all know what that is). I’ve never been the approach-chicks-in-the-gym kind of guy, but if you’re getting girls then who cares other people think?

 

Q: You seem like a cool guy to chat to about my current dilemma.  I’m a girl at a British University (hey, from across the pond, I’m a big fan). There’s this boy I’ve been hooking up with for months now and I do have feelings for him. He says he likes me too but “doesn’t want anything serious because his head’s not in the right place.”  That I could deal with, but it seems perfectly okay for him to be hooking up with other girls (my housemate being one of them) while saying all of this to me, but he gets so angry at me if I even joke about doing the same. What should I do? Are my housemates right in saying that he’s a “no good fuckhead” and that I should remove him from my life in order to save my feelings and sanity? Or should I just stick around and wait for him to get his head in the right place? Your advice would be super-appreciated, man!

A: What’s clear to me is that you and this guy have two very different ideas of what his “head being in the right place” means. You think it’s him coming to his senses and becoming your boyfriend and he seems to think the right place for his head, at this current juncture, is between as many sets of female legs as humanly possible.

 

Guys are like that. I was like that. People in general are like that. And then we get to deep into situation, feelings develop, and we tell lies to semi-escape the awkward “I don’t like you enough to commit to you” conversation while we still preserve the option to keep having sex. GIGGITY.

 

Sorry. No need for those shenanigans.

 

But yeah, that’s what he’s doing when he says his “head isn’t in the right place.” Believe me, his head’s in EXACTLY the right place for him. Two years from now that might change, he might regret treating you like dogshit after you’ve left and found a better dude, but that’s not his current agenda. Current him is all about hooking up.
All that said, there’s no need to sever ties just yet.
As long as you can remove your feelings from the equation, and you insist that he brushes his tongue when he leaves your roommate’s room, you should continue to enjoy whatever pleasure he provides you. Do exactly what he’s doing to you. At least until you find someone who has the common courtesy to not fuck your friends from the outset of your relationship.

 

Q: What are your top 3 opening lines on Tinder when you get matched up with a hottie?

A: Since I’ve been in a relationship for four years and I recently got MURRRRRRRRIED, I have never had the good fortune of today’s single folk who get to use Tinder to get their roots wet. Meaning, I don’t have any Tinder-specific conversation starters that will result in no-less-than fornication. And that’s why you came here in the first place, isn’t it?

 

What I do have is a few single editors working here so I’ll ask them.

/goes into editorial chat room

/poses the question

Oh boy, I’m afraid I’m surrounded by idiots.

Here’s what they said…

David Covucci: “hey”

David Covucci: “sup”

Covucci went on to say, “my tinder photo is me passed out against a wall though so I don’t get too many matches.”

He’s an odd seed, that guy. Not as odd as Andy Moore, though, because his response was this.

Andy Moore: “DO YOU HAVE A BETTER LOOKING SISTER?”

Yep, I told you it was bad.

 

However, after that moment of stupidity, Moore proved he wasn’t totally worthless by reminding me that one of our contributors wrote this piece about opening-lines on Tinder. Those should help you. And if they don’t, just interact with her like you would if she were a normal human person. I know it’s difficult, but I have faith in you.

Submit your Ask a Bro questions below.

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